Another gift
I’ve gotta buy
A holiday grab bag
For girl or a guy
Another season
Another reason for makin’-- fruitcake
Nobody eats it
It’s hard to digest
It plugs up your plumbing
And you know the rest
It’s not uplifting
It’s good for re-gifting
The holiday fruitcake.
(bridge or middle section)
A di-a-mond is for-ever
A fruitcake is too, I fear
If I give someone a fruitcake
I may get it back next year
Send all the fruitcake
In drones to Iraq
Going that far
I won’t get mine back
Save ammunition
Attack with nutrition
Bomb ‘em with fruitcake
(melody back to very top!)
Please, Governor Christie!
Use that veto power
Cuz you don’t like fruitcakes
I know you won’t cower
In a war of attrition
Create jobs in the kitchen
Makin’ the fruitcake
It’s hard and it’s heavy
When it lands it explodes
No mortar, no shrapnel
Just raisins and cloves
War could be easy
And cleaning up breezy
Hit ‘em with fruitcake
(bridge or middle section)
Make all the Middle East
Safe for De-mo-ra-cy
Picture the Fox News headline:
“U.S. Constipates Enemy!”
This humble bread
Of fruit and flour
Could fin’ly have
Its shining hour
With a new purpose
It could resurface
As a recruit cake!
(Oh, yeahhhhh!)
(Tag with a big finish!)
Just wrap it in foil
(da da da da!)
It ain’t gonna spoil “ “
It’s dark and it’s rich “ “
Like Arabian oil “ “
I’m a pa-tri-ot who “ ”
Has altered her view ‘’ “
Hurray for fruitcaaaaaaaaaaaake!
(Boom! Boom!)
