Another gift

I’ve gotta buy

A holiday grab bag

For girl or a guy

Another season

Another reason for makin’-- fruitcake

Nobody eats it

It’s hard to digest

It plugs up your plumbing

And you know the rest

It’s not uplifting

It’s good for re-gifting

The holiday fruitcake.

(bridge or middle section)

A di-a-mond is for-ever

A fruitcake is too, I fear

If I give someone a fruitcake

I may get it back next year

    

Send all the fruitcake

In drones to Iraq

Going that far

I won’t get mine back

Save ammunition

Attack with nutrition

Bomb ‘em with fruitcake

(melody back to very top!)

Please, Governor Christie!

Use that veto power

Cuz you don’t like fruitcakes

I know you won’t cower

In a war of attrition

Create jobs in the kitchen

Makin’ the fruitcake

It’s hard and it’s heavy

When it lands it explodes

No mortar, no shrapnel

Just raisins and cloves

War could be easy

And cleaning up breezy

Hit ‘em with fruitcake

(bridge or middle section)

Make all the Middle East

Safe for De-mo-ra-cy

Picture the Fox News headline:

“U.S. Constipates Enemy!”

 

This humble bread

Of fruit and flour

Could  fin’ly have

Its shining hour

With a new purpose

It could resurface

As a recruit cake!  

(Oh, yeahhhhh!)

     

 (Tag with a big finish!)

Just wrap it in foil

(da da da da!)

It ain’t gonna spoil     “ “

It’s dark and it’s rich  “ “

Like Arabian oil          “ “

I’m a pa-tri-ot who      “ ”

Has altered her view  ‘’ “

Hurray for fruitcaaaaaaaaaaaake!  

       (Boom! Boom!)